


Cookies

by Elke Tanzer (elke_tanzer)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Fluff, I Saw Three Ships, I Saw Three Ships 2004, Multi, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-31
Updated: 2004-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-02 19:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elke_tanzer/pseuds/Elke%20Tanzer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas biscuits will never be quite the same at the Burrow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the I Saw Three Ships 2004 multifandom threesome relationship fic exchange. Thank you to Commodorified and Bexless for amazing last-minute help! Any lingering errors are completely my own. Oh, and one more note: The last three were never found. ;-)

It had been Hermione's idea to bake American gingerbread. "My parents learned how to build gingerbread houses during a dental conference in New York one December," she'd said matter-of-factly. "They said all that sugar made perfect building materials."

It had been Ron's idea to use the kitchen at the Burrow. "Mum said it was fine as long as we cleaned up afterward. And we can make some extras as presents." In thanks, Hermione decided they'd build a miniature replica of the Burrow itself rather than a generic gingerbread house, for Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

It had been Harry's idea to make little gingerbread versions of themselves, the Grangers, and the Weasleys to set up around the house model. Hermione informed them that Americans would call the little gingerbread men 'cookies,' despite Ron's scepticism.

None of the three knew it had been the twins' ideas to swop Mrs. Weasley's bag of Filonia's Ever-Fresh Flour with their own, more experimental, version, and to cast a small charm on the food colouring.

The first batch out of the oven was the walls and parts of the roof. The pieces of gingerbread didn't have much of an opportunity to do anything unexpected after Hermione placed them carefully on the cooling racks before she turned to try to supervise Ron and Harry's efforts to cut out little Weasleys, Grangers and Harry Potters. They ended up having far too many to fit on the two baking trays, and between the two of them they had made at least two or three tiny outline replicas of each person.

After Ron decapitated a tiny version of Percy trying to transfer him to the tray, Hermione took charge of the spatula. "We don't have time to make another batch of dough," she explained, quite reasonably. "You two can work on the icing while I cope with the trays."

The rest of the little gingerbread boys and girls, men and women, systematically made their way onto the baking trays, into the oven, and onto the cooling racks... until Hermione noticed that the cooling racks were less full than they should have been. She'd been shaping out small detail pieces for the Burrow from the last bits of unused dough. She hadn't been paying her usual close attention as she loaded and unloaded the people-shaped biscuits from trays, and now she had a puzzle to solve, slightly frustrated with herself.

"Ron, Harry, you didn't eat any of the cookies already, did you?"

"No, we were tinting the icing."

"What do you think? Does this look more yellow than orange?"

Hermione peered into the small bowl intently, then looked at the plate next to Ron. "Yes, I think you want to add a bit more yellow, Harry. It still looks too close to the orange you used for Weasley hair, if you're thinking of putting Gryffindor scarves or quidditch robes on some of them."

Harry nodded, and Ron reached for the bottles of food colouring.

Hermione found herself tallying up the cookies cooling on the racks, and on the plates full of the boys' attempts at icing. "Someone must have come by when our backs were turned or something. There're at least four cookies missing, maybe more. At least they didn't snatch any of the walls or the roof pieces."

Ron's forehead wrinkled. "No one's been here, Hermione. Ginny's up in her room reading, and the twins said they were out testing their new perisnooper design. Mum would never steal biscuits, she hates when we do that. Besides, she went to do the shopping a bit ago."

"Well, they couldn't just vanish. Where are they?"

"Dunno. Hey, the next batch better come out of the oven, or they'll be too crisp!"

"Crisp? Don't you mean burnt?"

"Either way... here, you hold the oven door. Harry, could you move that other tray out of the way?"

As she pulled the next tray from the oven, they fell into a stunned silence. The entire tray of biscuits had been made... anatomically correct. Little gingerbread men and boys, with wee gingerbread penises. Little gingerbread women and girls, with little plump gingerbread breasts.

The tray clattered onto the hob, jostling the biscuits slightly.

Harry was the first to speak, his voice giving away his embarrassment. "Um, Hermione? We've been over here icing, and you've been putting all of the biscuits in to bake, but... you didn't do _that_, did you?"

Hermione closed her mouth with a snap, just realizing that it had fallen open, her cheeks blushing a bit pink. "Of course not!"

Despite turning nearly the colour of his hair, Ron was shaking his head. "There's no one else here, and I know we don't have any infestations that would do anything like _that_. Unless someone has an invisibility cloak or something..."

The three looked around the room carefully, trying to spot part of a shoe or a shadow that might not belong.

Suddenly Hermione squeaked. "Harry! That biscuit's moving!"

It was, and they soon realised it wasn't alone. A tiny Harry and a tiny Ron peeled themselves off the icing plate and scampered off across the counter. A tiny Ginny and a tiny Mrs. Weasley sat on the edge of the cooling rack, dangling their feet off the edge, and Mr. Weasley was pacing behind them, gesturing rather inexplicably to the two rather bewildered looking tiny Grangers.

The real Harry and Hermione suddenly didn't know where to look... biscuits all over the plates and cooling racks were up and about.

Ron was the first to recover. "If I didn't... no, this _does_ look like one of Fred and George's tricks."

A tiny Fred and a tiny George, partially iced, peeked out from around Mrs. Weasley's flour jar, grinning like madmen, and then hid themselves again.

"Lovely. Just lovely. Now what do we do?"

"Catch them, I suppose, and figure out if it'll wear off or if we'll just have to eat them while they're like that."

"Eat them! Ron, they're for the model! There's no way we're going to eat all of that sugar. They're meant to be displayed!"

"Maybe we could give them to the Dursleys..."

"Harry!"

"Oh, I know. But it's still fun to think about. They'd all be up on chairs, like elephants scared of a mouse, Hermione, well, except for Aunt Petunia, she's more of a giraffe..."

"Harry! I'm serious!"

Ron had opened a cupboard door which looked much smaller than the cupboard behind it. "Here, use this saucepan. Try to catch 'em. It'll probably wear off sooner or later, and then you can finish the models. Here's another pan, Harry... no, wait, this one needs a lid... hang on..."

They each took a saucepan and started collecting wayward Weasleys, Grangers, and Harry Potters from various racks and shelves. By the time they turned back to the oven, they realized, too late, that the little naked... endowed... versions had cooled, gotten themselves up off the tray, and scampered away.

The little half-iced Fred and George were in Ron's saucepan, clutching at their sides and rolling around in silent laughter, pantomiming exaggerated versions of Hermione's, Harry's, and Ron's startled faces. Ron grumbled at them, "You're the ones who added the extra bits to that batch of biscuits, didn't you? Figures."

Harry was trying to convince a little version of the Grangers to come out from behind Mrs. Weasley's rocking chair.

Hermione was still in the kitchen. She called out, "How many have you each got? I think we're still missing some!"

"Gimme a minute... oh, just come out already! I promise, you'll go in a nice little model and not ruin anyone's teeth. Really."

Twenty minutes later, they thought they'd managed to find most of the first trays of iced biscuits, but some of the naked little well-endowed biscuits were still missing. Ron finally said what they'd all been thinking, "You don't suppose they're so hard to find because they've hidden themselves away to... you know..."

Hermione's eyes widened, then she looked away. "I certainly wouldn't know."

"I was just thinking..."

"I know. But... who's missing?"

Harry chimed in, "I'm not entirely sure I want to know."

Ron shook his head. "Nor I."

Hermione lined up the bowls and saucepans on the kitchen table, lifting the plates and lids one at a time that they'd sat on top of them after the first little set of twins had tried to clamber out of their bowl to free the other set of twins in the saucepan next door. She counted carefully, tapping her fingertips with her thumb. "I'm not sure, but I think we're missing some of us."

"Us?"

"Yes, us. I think the ones of us that you wanted to put quidditch uniforms and Gryffindor robes and muggle clothing on were in the batch that got... well. Those are the ones that are missing. I think."

"Great. Little naked randy biscuits, of us."

"Ron!"

"Well, do you have any other way of saying it?"

"No, but..."

"Come on, guys. Just let's find them, all right?"

Twenty minutes later all three of them were back at the table, lids firmly placed on two more of Mrs. Weasley's saucepans and one plate sitting across the top of a heavy stoneware bowl. They were all a bit flushed, and didn't meet each other's eyes.

Ron chanced a glance at Hermione. "Is that all of them?"

"How many did you find?"

He blushed a deeper shade of red. "Two."

Hermione nodded once, a sharp, sudden motion that seemed very out of place. "Right. Harry?"

The plate-covered bowl Harry had just put onto the table thumped a few times. He cleared his throat, and slapped his hand on the plate to keep it from banging open. "Um. Two."

Hermione didn't look at either of them. "Right. With the two I found," she paused, "well, that makes... that means... we're still missing three."

"Three? Which..."

Hermione interrupted him. "Oh, don't ask. I don't want to know. Just find them."

Harry reached out one hand to catch her arm as she turned. "You don't want to know? Wait a minute. Who did you find?"

Hermione turned away. "It's none of my business. None of your business! Let's just find those last three and try to sort the kitchen back into some sense of order before..."

Ron interrupted. "Mum'll understand that it wasn't our fault. I'll hunt for them. You two... you two can just sort yourselves out, all right?"

"Ron?"

"Just... never mind. I'll find them."

Harry let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, this is ridiculous. Just because some biscuits that look like us were doing... well, each other, doesn't mean that we would. Right?"

Hermione didn't turn around. "I don't know. You'd have to ask Fred and George just exactly what they did to cause all of this, and how much enchanted dough or icing it takes to imbue personality..."

Ron started pulling chairs out from the table. "I think you could probably answer your own question if you looked in those saucepans, Harry. I mean, are those little things anything like you?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "I don't know, Ron. Are they anything like you?"

Hermione finally turned, looking from one to the other in a mix of curiosity and bewilderment. "You two wouldn't actually... I mean, you aren't... are you?"

"Are we what?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well... oh, for pity's sake! Your little biscuit-selves are having such a grand time jumping all over each other in the saucepan over there, all right? And from the fact that plate's about to bang right off of that bowl, I'd say they're having a pretty good time of it over there, as well!"

Ron's mouth fell open.

Harry's did as well, but not for long. "Us? There's no biscuit version of me in that bowl!"

Hermione stared at him, seeking some sign of untruth, and found none, though he was flushed again. Or possibly flushed still, she wasn't sure which.

Ron recovered enough to interrupt. "But..."

Harry and Hermione turned to him. "What?"

"But the two I found were you..."

Hermione bit her lip, and Harry let out a quick, nervous laugh.

"Well, I suppose we're going to find the remaining three all together, then, won't we?"

Hermione began to relax. "Well, I guess it's all right then. Right?"

Ron looked from one to the other, before letting out a laugh of his own. "Right. C'mon... unless you want to leave them to their fun for a bit before..."

Harry put one hand on Hermione's shoulder. "What harm could it do? It'll probably be another hour or two before Mrs. Weasley gets back."

Ron took a hesitant step back towards them. "Right. And besides, we're out of saucepans and bowls."

Hermione turned from one to the other, her confusion fading to leave only curiosity. "I guess so... hey, you were working on icing..."

Harry brought a finger full of not-quite-golden icing to waggle just in front of her nose. "Yeah, we were." He glanced at Ron, who had walked back to stand just on Hermione's other side. "Want to help?"

Hermione finally let out a laugh. "You're both nutters, do you know that?"

Ron grinned. "Yeah, but you like us anyway."

One of the saucepans clanged against the side of the stoneware bowl next to it, and the bowl's covering plate clattered in response. Harry chuckled. "Apparently so!"

Hermione ducked away from his finger full of icing, laughing, to reach for the small bowl dyed Gryffindor red. "Honestly, you two. They're just biscuits!"

Ron's laugh joined the others. "But they're not, Hermione! They're _cookies_!"


End file.
